i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Randomize