I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
he wants to bone in the snuggie
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
