the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
