We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
