nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
