No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
