paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
