I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Randomize
