I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
