the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
