Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
