The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize