she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
