I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Randomize
