Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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