I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
