The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Oh god it's open bar.
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