WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
