I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
