The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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