I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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