No awkward lesbian experiences without me
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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