im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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