There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
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