I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
