No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
It's just like the Real World with babies
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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