I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize