I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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