what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
