He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
