I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
