yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
