Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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