I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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