I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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