well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
