I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
