Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
