The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
