i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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