My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
