When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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