You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
