You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
