GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
