Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize