Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
