btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
