I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
