so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Randomize