I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
