How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
