pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize