Christians are straight up FREAKS
1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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