Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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