My room smells like vodka and shame
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
