I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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