i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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