Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
