I showed him my bush... on skype.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
My vagina is officially offended.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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