There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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