So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
