Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
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