she woke up with a sticky ear
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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