made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
