I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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