you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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